I'm sinking deep. Two major decisions stack tall in front of me like a 12 foot brick wall. I've been hesitant to write, because I don't have solid plans. It's difficult to share these pivotal moments with the world. What's weighing so heavily on me?
First - I need to decide on a place to live in 13 days (I'm counting). I could live with two strangers. Or I could stay in the house of 60 people where I've been for three years.
Second - I have to decide whether I should seriously pursue another job. I'm getting paid as a manager the same amount as people who restock shelves. I'm grateful for my job, but finances are tight. So, I'm applying to find a secondary job. What if I enjoy that job more? What if it pays more? Do I quit after two and a half years? I guess I shouldn't worry about this until I get a job offer. Until then, I'll continue putting all of my effort into my current job.
It feels like sinking in quicksand. I can't run from these decisions. I slowly melt into the mud. The time to choose grows shorter. Giving me enough time to think through a plan on how to get out, but all the while I sink.
Logic only goes so far in these circumstances. The only way I see the fog lifting is to pray. God knows the answer. Better yet, He wants to tell me! I just have to be open to whatever He has planned. That takes faith. That takes full surrender.
So, I pray.