I’m sitting typing this, and I’m sweating. Not because of the gloriously warm summer day. Not because of my over caffeinated brain. I’m about to break through this wall of doubt to live my dreams.
A lot of people have told me I’m ambitious. The same amount of people have called me lazy. I’ve realized, through about two weeks of silence between jobs and work, I need to believe in what God calls me. I’m His daughter. I’m loved by Him, and He created me for a purpose. One I’m pursuing every day.
It doesn’t take tons of ambition. Gasp. It doesn’t even take lots of time. Chasing dreams takes courage, joy and peace. Courage to know I’m equipped, capable and totally not qualified. God opens the doors anyway. Joy to laugh at my mistakes and take a '“no” as a minor speed bump along the way. God shows me how silly I can be and how much He loves making me smile. Peace to do what’s scary even when others say to back away from the edge. God is there to say jump and also to catch me.
I wanted to know why I’ve been waking up with a lack of luster for the day. I figured out part of the reason why! I’ve been letting myself believe I need to chase the ordinary life and let my passions and dreams die. I thought success looks a certain way, and if I don’t follow the map others have created for me then I’m doing it all wrong. I’m here as living proof…sometimes you have to create your own map! Life is a blank canvas, and you get to decide how you want your painting to look.
So, I’ve been working on untangling the knots of lies and disbelief I’ve had in myself. I thought I can’t be a traveling journalist, because my writing isn’t good enough or I won’t every get paid enough. Never enough! A bold face lie! I need to stop these thoughts.
In reality, God is the only One who makes the world turn. He’s the One who opens and closes doors of opportunities.
Today I chose to reply to the editor of a magazine I’ve been yearning to get published in. I chose to ask how I could improve my writing submission. I chose to pitch yet another story…because why not? I get to decide what thoughts stay and what thoughts have to leave. I’m good enough. I’m going to fail. I accept myself as I am right now. AND I can still take steps to achieve my dream. It’s a both/and process. I get to say “no” to fear in order to say “yes” to the dreams God has placed in my heart.
Am I still scared? Heck yes! But, if I let fear stop me, I would do nothing and certainly live a very boring, unfulfilled life.